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I don’t know why

 

I don’t know why

22/06/2017

I don’t know why they call it death, I’m still here.

I can still see you crying from where I am, with you.

Why can’t I hold or touch you?

Well it’s just like there.

I can ask all the questions but I don’t have all the answers.

There’s a belief, well a few actually, each tends to involve a magic birth and a kind of return, some speak of a whole new conjoined world.

Truth is I watch you cry and feel your tears, I remember every minute of every year.

I believe in you.

You’ll do great things now as you did before I left, and I’ll love you just as much if not more each day.

Come what may.

You don’t believe where I am now is a place I can stay?

Oh no, it doesn’t work that way…

I forgave my ancestors for the pain I’d seen.

So I get an eternity token it’s like a giant pinball machine.

This token gives three rolls of the dice, a card to draw, a stack to play then three balls more.

Each ball can hit a bonus or a replay slot.

It’s like recieving an extension on a life we haven’t got.

I forgave myself (Forgiveness is a regular theme) for the things I’d done and made people see.

So I got another token, that’s three plus three.

This process continues through a library of options but if I’m honest I wasn’t much good at owt else.

So I left with six balls and played them through, of that I lost four so then I had two.

That’s why I’m stood here watching you.

Ten minutes in eternity as the token’s sky blue.

I watched you grow, love and mourn.

I watched you win, grow and fall.

I watched you marry have kids and losses.

I watched you stand up like a boss.

I watched you teach them, watched them grown.

Happy for all the things you went on to show.

Life everlasting us having you would mean.

You’re my angel, my princess, my queen and went on to birth for the team.

I watched them grow.

I watched you lie.

It was nearly your time to die.

I watched them pull near, I watched them mourn, you were near the edge when my idea was born.

A hand in my pocked I discovered at ten minutes into eternity had nearly gone by.

I was lucky by comparison and a fool I was not.

I placed that last ball in a circular pot.

I released as it chimed to accept my last plight.

It spun to the left and rolled to the right.

Down a tube of existence, through nine birth’s of creation it landed on “Granted” to my exhileration.

Twenty more years you’d get with the team and I’d get to watch from here in between.

So back to your question, why am I here?

I can ask all the questions but the answer’s quite clear.

Cancer.

 

© G.P Williamson 2017

 

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